Did you know that if you kill an angel, you have to become one?

It's true. I was on my way to the Korean food mart around the block from me when I was completely blind sided by this urge to listen to New Order. I looked away from the road to adjust my iPod for, honestly, what felt like a second, but was probably closer to several minutes. Near the end of the fourth or so minute, I felt the unmistakeable crunch of skeletal tissue and feathers. My first instinct was to get out and finish the job, so I reached into my glove compartment and grabbed my nine, right? I hadn't put a bullet in the brain of a moribund pidgeon in some time (at that point in time) so I was a little giddy, but the butterfly suspended stomach inside me dropped when I saw what I had actually hit: A family of Angels.

That's strange, I thought to myself and cocked my gun, I didn't know Angels were pussies.

Here's a funny aside to break up the tension: Did you know Angels bleed twinkie cream? It's true, and black Angels bleed crushed up biscuits, but that's a story for another time.

So I put two bullets in the divine skulls of the suffering creatures and searched their diapers for cash. Angels are some poor motherfuckas cause they dint have shit. I jumped back in my El Camino and continued on my way. In retrospect, I was probably an Angel already, I just didn't realize it. But the clincher came when I farted and heard harps and smelled fresh linen. Anyway, blah, blah, divinity, blah, blah, got wings, blah, blah, blah high fived God, blah, blah, blah, I'm a friggin Angel.

So. Moral of the story is, don't ever kill an entire family of Angels lest you become one.