The Greatest Superhero of all time for right now.

There is a lot of buzz nowadays around Superheroes. Superhero that, Superhero this. My Super ex-superhero. Nobody seems to be paying enough attention to the greatest living Superhero around today though.
Mark Murphy.

A couple of facts about Mark Murphy:

Mark Murphy sleeps 25 hours an hour.
Mark Murphy dreams in various different shades of French cuisine.
Mark Murphy exists only in your wildest reality.
Mark Murphy can bench press over 13 billion electrons.
If there was a fire, and Mark Murphy was somehow involved, not only did he probably start it, he INVENTED it.
Mark Murphy coined the phrase "Retard baby blues."
In the beginning there was Earth, wind, and fire. But then Mark Murphy came along.
Mark Murphy's entire skeleton is made of the unbreakable material, "spirit."
Mark Murphy enjoys lemonade.
The Moon used to be a nice place to live, Mark Murphy used to summer there. But then one day, this dumbass kid was like "yo Batman is way better than Mark Murphy," and Mark Murphy was like well that's just your opinion, and this kid was like no way dude, Batman could kill you, and Mark Murphy was like well be that as it may, I don't know if it constitutes being "better" than someone, and this kid was like I think he's better than you. It was awkward for a moment and then Mark Murphy left never to return again. The kid later died of natural causes and the neighborhood fell apart. Coincidence?
Mark Murphy once killed a raccoon with a pistol. The raccoon had the pistol.
The greatest trick Mark Murphy ever pulled was making the world think he doesn't exist.
Mark Murphy made his fortune as a depression era singer/song writer last year.
Mark Murphy has a pet elephant nobody has ever seen before.
Mark Murphy makes chocolate taste sexier.
A single shot of Mark Murphy's semen can feed the entire state of Rhode Island for three years.
Mark Murphy fights children for fun and rarely loses.
Mark Murphy's ONE weakness is weapons.